It ain’t over till the fat lady farts

Life sucks but the IRS sucks worse

Actually, the best way to get a man is to spoon in the kitchen

A hawk looks like an eagle when he hangs out with crows

They’re so stupid, they don’t know how stupid they are.

I’m smooth as a gravel road

Best way to get a husband is spooning in the kitchen

The truth hurts

The squeaky wheel gets the grease

My candor is infectious and delightful

I forgot so much I need a scribe

It’s just as hard to pick the last place horse as it is the first one.

All poodles are dogs, but not all dogs are poodles

There’s a fine line between drinking wine and crushing grapes

So many girls, so little time

Call me – 867-5309

Men who stare at breasts are healthier

What beer do lesbians like? Busch

If it wasn’t so fine, I wouldn’t grab it

The ceiling is the roof

Save a horse, ride a cowboy

You’re too “PC.” I can’t put what I really want.

It’s hard to soar like an eagle when you’re working with turkeys

I apologize but I’m not sorry

Work is the curse of the drinking class

Can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs

A bush in the hand is worth two birds in a tree

I forget more than I know

If someone else makes you a sandwich, it’s way better.

The fate of mankind is with fools

Wolves that don’t chase sheep don’t run

My candor is infectious and delightful

A way to a man’s heart is food and BJ’s

You only live twice

We are just a highway on the interstate of life